I remember how I felt just about 7 months ago. I remember it well.
Everything I did was a chore. EVERYTHING. That included walking.
I cannot stress this enough. If I had to walk any distance…even 10 feet, I had to think about it. It was a planned event. If I was walking from my bedroom to the living room, literally the next room over, I had to think about it. If I was walking from my desk at work to the restroom, about 20 feet away, I had to think about it. Walking from the living room to the kitchen was something I had to think out ahead of time.
Why? Because it was a true task. It had to be thought about. It had to be planned. It was a job, a chore, to walk literally ANY distance. It was physically, and by extension mentally, challenging.
That is hard for most people to fathom, but literally walking any distance at all, standing for any amount of time was something I had to work out. It involved pain. It involved a plan to know where I could sit. It took a really big amount of effort.
I was miserable. Life was miserable. Just existing was miserable.
I am far from where I need to be. I still have a long journey ahead…and I bet some of the stuff ahead is going to be hard. I still have about 100 pounds, give or take, that I want to lose. Even though I have more than that amount behind me, the journey is far from over.
But I’m walking it. Literally.
These days I’m doing things I would never have done just six or seven months ago. I recently walked down my street three or four houses to talk to some neighbors. Then walked back. Without even getting out of breath. Seven months ago I would have driven that, and just walking from my house to the truck would have been a task.
Our family recently went to a festival out of town and I walk a couple of miles that day, with only a couple of sit downs during the process. That isn’t a lot for most people but for me that’s a HUGE accomplishment.
Usually around 3pm I leave my office, go outside to a picnic table, and eat some of an apple or orange. Often I go for a little walk. It is a very short one, just a couple of minutes down the side of our building while I’m eating. The first thing I pass is a tree.
About 7 months ago we did an impromptu group photo and we walked out to that tree. It was a big deal and I was a bit out of breath and sweaty, even though it’s only about 30 feet outside of our office door. Now I pass by that tree, keep walking much further down, then walk back…and I don’t even have to think about it.
I walk on the treadmill at the gym. Not long because despite the weight loss I still have terrible knees in need of replacing, but I do it for at least 15 minutes. If it weren’t for my knees I could go 2…3….4x that with no worries.
I’m saying all of this as a reminder to myself. I’m thankful. I’m grateful. If I drop dead tomorrow, I drop dead thankful that I took this step of gastric bypass surgery.
I have to remind myself of this stuff from time to time because, first, I think it’s an important thing to be grateful for good things in your life. Secondly I have to remind myself of stuff like this because sometimes I miss the old stuff. Not the aches and pains, but the old way of eating. Of slamming some pizza, sweet tea, chocolate chip cookies, or Mountain Dew. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I miss that. But I try to shift my focus to where I’m at now because of a change…and to where I’m going. That doesn’t always make it easier, but it often does.
I’m looking forward to what I can do when I’m down 30…50…90 more pounds. I’m starting to like this new me.