I think I’ve left the honeymoon phase.
Okay, so, adjusting to a whole new life after a major surgery probably isn’t best described as a honeymoon phase, but I do feel I’ve entered what I’m going to call “The Long Haul.”
When I first had surgery I went through a process in eating and, honestly, adjusting my whole life. I started out on just liquids, then moved to purees, then soft foods. It was 2 months before I could move to “all foods.”
(When I say all foods I still have some obvious restrictions on several things I can and can’t eat and choices I make.)
Everything I ate at first was a test. Trying things to see if they would be okay or make me feel sick. Learning how to document everything I ate to track protein, carbs, etc. Learning how to get enough water during the day. Healing from surgery. Trying to learn to rewire my mental food habits.
Here I am a bit over 2 months post surgery. In the grand scheme that doesn’t seem like a long time but at this point I’ve gone through most of the discovery I’m going to with this process. This doesn’t happen to everyone, but I’ve found at this point that I COULD eat pretty much anything, if I wanted to. I still can’t eat large quantities. It will be a year or two before I could more than 5 or 6 ounces at a time. I shouldn’t ever be able to eat the quantities I could in the past…and I’m very much okay with that.
But…I’ve worked through the initial process…now I’m in what I think is the real test. The long haul.
Now I’m to the point where if I wanted to make some bad food choices I could. I’m not supposed to eat bread, rice, or pasta for a year. And I haven’t so far, other than little bits that I tried to get out of things I was eating. BUT…if I woke up tomorrow and decided I wanted to eat rice, or spaghetti, or pizza, I could do it (to a point). It wouldn’t be much, but I could.
If I wanted to eat chocolate chip cookies, or cake, or ice cream, I could. And I won’t lie, while I’ve stuck with the vast majority of my program, I’ve had a few little bites here and there of some things. I had a little bite of a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie a few weeks ago. IT. WAS. HEAVEN. From time to time at night I break off a single small bite of a dark chocolate covered pretzel. One day I had 2 or 3 potato chips.
But I know I have to be careful with those things. I have to be mindful because I know I can tolerate them. And I also know that one bit of a cookie can lead to a slide and before I know it I’m standing in front of the cabinet eating 3 or 4 or 6.
Some people go through this surgery and come out the other side with completely different tastes. I’ve read of people who were addicted to sugar that didn’t like anything sweet after surgery. I’ve read about people that couldn’t tolerate anything rich or fatty after surgery. Fortunately, or unfortunately in this case, I’ve always had an iron stomach, and rarely does anything make me sick. I haven’t found anything on this side of surgery that does (other than eggs the first time I tried them…okay after that), and I haven’t found anything I’ve lost or gained a taste for. I still love chocolate, I still hate fish.
I’m also out of the phase of losing about a pound a day. That was amazing while it was happening. Now I’d say I’m in a phase of losing 2 to 3 pounds a week. Still great by any standard but I can no longer (and shouldn’t) be on the scale every day. I’ve had a couple of stalls in the last month. So loss isn’t a given any more.
I’m still dealing with some of the more frustrating things that come with the surgery. I still have to fight every day to get enough protein in, unless I drink a protein shake (which I’m so tired of). I still have to take a handful of vitamins and other things and even so I can see my hair has thinned. I still struggle pooping as is super common in this situation. I still miss a big slice of pizza…and sweet tea…and a million other things.
So I’ve moved past all the exciting parts and now I’m in the grind. I’m in the mundane part of the journey where you still have to stay focused and mindful. I’m in the long haul.
But I’m okay with it. This is what I signed up for. I’m still seeing results. Even when the scale doesn’t move I know that as long as I’m doing the things I am supposed to, that things are happening. And I will see victories big and small, on the scale and off. I just have to keep at it. And I have to remember the results I’ve already seen.
The long haul…the open road…the monotony. Not many people like it, but staying on it gets you to where you are going. And that make’s it worth it.