That’s my ugly mug.
On a boat.
With several co-workers.
Just chilling.
Yesterday we had a work outing. The owner was kind enough to take us out on the local lake, provide dinner, and generally just give us a time to hang out.
One of our clients owns the marina and cabins we used. As I showed up at the place, she walked out and greeted me with a cordial hello…a hello that let me know she didn’t recognize me. I took of my sunglasses and greeted her. Suddenly the lightbulb went off and she knew who I was.
“Wow! I didn’t recognize you at all, Chris!”
It’s the second time that has happened and its honestly a pretty good feeling each time. 🙂
Anyway our afternoon and evening was spent just hanging out, talking, eating, riding on the boat, some went out on kayaks…we had a great time.
And although I’m not yet to the weight I want/need to be at, I felt much more like a “normal” person than I ever have before! I’ve always dealt with both weight issues and social anxiety, so I can’t say how most people feel in situations like this. But I know for me, I have always been aware of my weight: how hard it is to get around, how much bigger I am than everyone else, how much the boat is going to move when I get on, is this chair going to hold me, is this dock going to hold me…all of that. I suspect a lot of people are self-aware in situations like this, and I still am too.
But as I’ve lost weight, it’s to a much, much lesser degree than I was previously. I elected to take the boat ride. I sat in a chair without much thought. I walked around the grounds. I interacted with people. And I did all of it while not feeling like I was sticking out as much as the past.
No matter what I did, or where I was, I always felt like the biggest person there. Granted, I’m a broad shouldered, barrel-chested guy who is 6’2″…I’m never going to be the little guy. But I always knew in a room of 100…or 500…people I was most likely the heaviest guy there.
At this gathering I was most likely still the biggest guy there, weight wise…but maybe not. There is a guy who is 6’8″ and there is another guy who was talking about his weight…and I realized even though he’s 4 inches shorter than me, I only have about 40 pounds on him.
It felt really good just to blend in. I still have a ways to go, but still, it felt good to feel more normal than I can remember feeling.