One year ago today was my gastric bypass (RNY) surgery. While the process started some months prior to this (I think my first doc visit was in August,) this is the day when the journey took it’s biggest turn for the better.
Here I am 1 year post op and things are so different. I’m so close to not one or two, but three major goals…with the last being my goal weight. I still can’t believe it. When I started this process the numbers I was thinking of just didn’t seem real. At that point I didn’t physically think it would be possible for me to be back in the two-hundreds. And here I am, in the MID two-hundreds. I know body dysmorphia is common among bariatric patients, but it still doesn’t feel real. Yet, week after week I am inching toward my goals.
In thinking about this post I thought of the all I’ve considered before, during, and after the process. When starting this post I ended up tagging literally every category on the post. I did that because this year has encompassed all of that…and more. From the big weight and NSV goals, to the mundane stuff like trying new protein shakes.
Before surgery I studied the materials I was given, I watched videos and read stuff online, I joined groups, and I listened to others countless stories…but there was still so much unknown. I simply didn’t know what the future held.
The pre-op work was rough at times. The doctor visits, the studying, the psych eval, the endoscopy. The only thing that saved me from getting a colonoscopy was having one a year prior.
Still I think the hardest part of all the pre-op, and probably even the surgery, was the 2 week pre-op “liver shrinking” diet. That was truly a test of will! While I think I could do it again if needed, it would still be really hard today!
Up until my bypass surgery, I had only been in the hospital one other time, when I had COVID pneumonia a few years back. I had one other previous surgery, a gallbladder removal that wasn’t even a full 24 hour stay. At age 50, the bypass was my first “major” surgery with a hospital stay.
Very thankfully, my surgery and healing went about as well as they possibly could. Zero complications from surgery, very little pain/discomfort (mostly from gas pains…seriously, WALK then WALK SOME MORE.)
Again, I’m aware of how fortunate I was. This is a major surgery. A wide range of things could happen. People can die from this surgery. People can have complications hours, days, or weeks after. People can recover at different rates from this. Mine went smoothly.
The first few weeks were just a whole new experience for my life. I started in on the liquid diet, but didn’t even really want that usually. For those first few months I had to remind myself to eat, which had NEVER been the case. In a couple of months my hunger started coming back.
The two biggest post-surgery hurdles I initially had were constipation and weird pains. I still get both from time to time, although the latter is mostly managed now. But it was really bad a couple of times. Those pains have gotten better over time, but I still get them. They are most likely from how I carry my body now, but they are like bad pulled muscles or pinched nerves and they still hurt like a beast from time to time!
I remember many firsts. The first time my weight didn’t start with a 4. The first time I had to get a smaller shirt. The first time I walked a distance well beyond what I had before, without feeling like I’d keel over. The first time I fit in restaurant booth. The first genuine compliments I got. The first time someone didn’t recognize me because I’d lost so much weight. The first time my weight wasn’t the biggest concern in my mind in a social setting.
Being able to be much more physically active has been a game changer for me emotionally. Things most people probably hate, like mowing their yard, or changing out a toilet, I’ve actually looked forward to recently. I had gotten to the point where I couldn’t easily do those things, and now I can. Plus all the fun things, like walk around a festival with my family. I’m hoping next year for even more adventures, like my first whitewater rafting trip in years!
I’m 51 now. If I could go back to my 30 or 40 year old self I would scream “DO THIS NOW!” There are parts of my that lament how long I put off even entertaining this. All the years of struggle, of emotional turmoil. Although I was pretty active with my kids, all the years we could have been doing so much more if I had been in shape for it. Now at 51 my body is on a natural decline, especially after years of weight. My knees feel easily 50-60% better these days than they did a year ago. But they still have arthritis and it isn’t going to magically go away. If I’d have done this 10 or 20 years ago, who knows where I’d be or what I’d be doing. I think my life trajectory might have been very different. I try not to, but sometimes it’s hard not to dwell on those things.
But, I’m here now and glad I at least eventually took the plunge into this!
It’s not all been roses. I’ve covered most of this in the blogs so no need to drag it out. But I still struggle with food stuff. I can tell I still have a poor relationship with food. More and more I feel I struggle with food choices. Thankfully portions aren’t too hard to control, but what I eat is still my choice. And I don’t always pick the right things. Overall, I am leaps and bounds beyond my old life, but I have to stay vigilant (and I don’t always do it.)
I want a healthy, yet, real world relationship with food. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake or fries with no guilt, because I know it’s been weeks since I had some. I want to be presented with choices and still make the better choice most times – and not feel bad the one time I decide to splurge. I don’t want to live off of kale and boiled chicken, but I don’t want to be a slave to food, like I’ve been. It’s still hard. It’s still a moment by moment choice. I’m mostly doing good but I need to be better.
One year is a big milestone, but its hopefully just a drop in the bucket of this journey. I hope to have many more successful years. I’m still on the journey to get to a healthy weight. After that it’s learning to maintain both a healthy weight and lifestyle. My biggest fear is always gaining a huge chunk of this back. But I’m hoping in 2…3…5 years I am maintaining a healthy life.
One year down, a lifetime to go!